I'm from a family somewhat like this. In my case, the family unit is rampant with mistrust around any expressions of pain and grief. I say as long as you feel safe to, cry. Tell the naysayers this is typical in groups of people at events where, when the majority is failing to express the appropriate emotion, one person is burdened with expressing the majority of that emotion for the benefit of all. Obviously you want to not disrupt the service or make yourself the center of events by, for instance, throwing yourself on the casket, as somebody mentioned.
Assuming that you're not going that far, I'd have to say anybody who is offended by people crying should probably not attend funerals. Best answer: I just want to pile on the bandwagon of "This is literally the most appropriate time and place in the world to cry. My mother recently told me a story about an uncle who died, and at the wake, this distant cousin who had barely even known the uncle fell into these dramatic, heaving, theatrical sobs for the length of the afternoon.
It took no less than six! Crying is fine. Crying in such a way that those closest to the deceased have to interrupt their own grieving to comfort you is probably not fine. I suspect you are not that dramatic. But if you do get noisy, it might be most respectful to those closest to the departed family member if you step outside and take a little walk for a minute. I never cry at funerals, but I cry at commercials and sad songs and random kindnesses.
I like to cry in gardens. The funeral home near here has a perfect grounds and garden for that. I'm not typically a crier far from it , and I can usually keep it together at funerals, but I lost it at the funeral of a lovely woman I'd met less than a handful of times.
She was an extraordinary person who affected me strongly in those few meetings -- I'd never known anyone like her before and haven't met anyone like her since -- and she died in a stupid and preventable way. I was kind of young. I let it all get to me on an aesthetic level, and sort of worked myself up in that way. Once I indulged a few tears, I had a hard time holding others back. It was inappropriate, imo, completely, and I'm still embarrassed by it.
Tears are seen as a display of depth of feeling, and it can seem self-serving and inauthentic if you hardly know the person. I think it would have been better for me to shift my attention away from whatever story I was making up in my head, and to focus instead on the reality of the people who were close to her, still in shock and grieving.
Ways to cool down hot thoughts that I wish had occurred to me at the time : focus on neutral aspects of the environment; bite down hard on your cheek; don't let those first few tears go -- look up to stop them if you have to; and try to keep your mind from going to the meaning or tragedy or 'aboutness' of the whole thing.
Your crying doesn't make any normal person uncomfortable. Funerals are for crying. If anyone gives you guff about it, they are a dope.
I can see how it might be weird. Not inappropriate, but weird, if you barely knew the person, etc. I can also see how a certain level or type of emotional display could make someone else feel uncomfortable. I've been in this position myself. None of these things mean that I think you absolutely should control your inclination to cry. I only skimmed it, but if you did want to stop the behavior this previously posted thread might have some pointers. Crying silently into your hankie is fine.
Sobbing is not fine, and is only borderline acceptable in widows, parents and young children of the deceased. Is this possibly where the disconnect is occurring? Shaming someone for sobbing at a funeral is pretty much as ridiculous as shaming someone for crying at a funeral.
The saddest funeral in the world is the one where no one is crying. Or sobbing. Short answer: of course you can cry at funerals! So I was at a family funeral a while ago where a fairly distant family friend who I'd never met was sobbing uncontrollably, and it was pretty weird, and later my sister and I were like, what was going on with her? But I just figured she had her own stuff going on. Ask a trusted family member to give you a heads up if you're drawing focus.
Last year I went to a friend's father's funeral. I'd never met the guy, knew nothing about him except that he'd been ill for a long time and that my friend would appreciate me being there, and yet I cried throughout the whole service. One person squeezed my shoulder as she came in late, and someone gave me some tissues. No one ever asked me for my crying credentials. However, though the funeral was absolutely lovely and really gave me a sense of who he had been and what my friend had lost, my tears were honestly more for recently deceased patients whose funerals I hadn't been able to attend.
But you know what? In the end, it doesn't matter. It's a funeral. People get sad at them. You're allowed to cry. You're even allowed to wave off people who you feel are putting too much effort into helping you. People who feel so extraordinarily uncomfortable about others crying that they complain about it afterward are the ones who should be asking if they ought to attend a service, not you.
I think this is going to depend how important what others think of you is, to you. So, yeah, you risk some other person in attendance being sort of judgy about the way you outwardly express your emotions. So some third cousin twice removed thinks you're too emotional. Life is too short to worry about such people. Learn more about why this occurs. What are emotional needs, exactly? We break it down and give you 10 basic ones to consider.
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Medically reviewed by Timothy J. Legg, Ph. How to stop crying Dealing with stress Moving forward Overview People often cry at funerals, during sad movies, and when listening to sad songs. How can I stop crying? What can I do about my crying? Moving forward. Read this next. Medically reviewed by Ann Marie Griff, O. Seeing these sad faces in the crowd might trigger your tears. However, looking up also prevents tears that already formed from running down your face.
Finally, take your time. Your speech should come from the heart. Taking your time to read or recite your funeral speech slowly keeps your emotions in check. Create a free Cake end-of-life planning profile and instantly share your health, legal, funeral, and legacy decisions with a loved one.
Aside from giving a speech, sometimes you want to prevent yourself from crying during the funeral service. You might feel that being emotionally stable is something your friends and family can rely on. Here are tips to stop yourself from crying during the ceremony. Again, control your breathing.
Breathing exercises are something you can do throughout the service and visitation. Instead of letting your breathing patterns get out of control, count to yourself. Another way to stop yourself from crying is to blink rapidly. If you open your eyes wide, you can cut off the flow of tears before they start.
Your tears come from your tear ducts. Tears are stored near the corner of your eyes and the side of your nose. If you pinch the bridge of your nose, you can stop the production of tears. However, taking a few moments to focus on something pleasant is a welcome distraction. Think of a happy day, person, or memory.
Your goal here is to take yourself out of this sad moment. Giving yourself a short break is sometimes all you need to stop those tears in their tracks. Have you ever felt that lump in your throat when you felt tears coming? This lump is a normal bodily reaction. However, to soothe this feeling and distract yourself, sip water slowly. Taking sips gets rid of that dreaded lump in your throat feeling.
Focus on something mundane, like a wall or an ordinary object.
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