Learn about similar disorders, diagnosis, treatment…. Having quiet Borderline Personality Disorder BPD means that you direct mood swings and behaviors inward, rather than directing them towards others…. Everyone behaves impulsively sometimes. Most of the time, we can work to limit those behaviors on our own. Sometimes, impulsive behavior is part of an…. With a total of test…. Health Conditions Discover Plan Connect. Medically reviewed by Timothy J.
Legg, Ph. Share on Pinterest. It can be extremely distressful. It can be traumatic. It can be very abusive. Read this next. Borderline Personality Disorder. Personality Disorder. It sounds like a tough situation. I have not experienced a something like this myself but I can try to offer some wisdom from my experience with relationships in general.
I'm glad to hear back from you. It sounds like you know that underneath all of these thoughts are some big fears and I think that alone is really important - being able to 'move past it' is first acknowledging why it's there. It also means that these thoughts about her cheating aren't really about her at all - they're about you and those nagging feelings. While you may not be able to control the thoughts in your head, you can control your relationship with them and what you do with them.
To begin with I was certain that he was cheating on me, and then I was certain that I was 'too much' and he was going to change his mind about being in a relationship and all of a sudden want to pack up and go. The most that he can do and your partner can do is reassure us, but the rest is up to us.
For me, I had to sit there in those awful feelings of 'what if', and eventually knowing that if it all hit the fan, I would eventually find a way to cope. I also had to trust in my partner, working to believe what they said - mindfulness was a really big tool for this. I still get these nagging feelings every now and then, but I manage them better and they are not as intense. Please know that while it's understandable that you feel guilty, there's nothing to feel guilty about.
It's not your fault that you're having these thoughts. It's just that your brain is trying to protect you, and that's totally okay. Infidelity could fall into this category. While those with BPD have the same likelihood of cheating as others, they do have a higher likelihood of suspecting their partners are cheating. Due to low self-esteem , people with BPD have difficulty believing that someone could love them and remain faithful to them.
As such, they are more likely to assume that their partner will cause them pain in some way. Also, because of the overwhelming fear of abandonment that's a hallmark trait of BPD, people with BPD can be more suspicious and distrustful, assuming or even truly believing that their partners are messing around behind their backs. In turn, this negatively affects their loved ones and their relationships.
If your partner with BPD wrongfully accuses you of cheating, you are likely to be angry and emotional, and you may even think about ending the relationship. In this sense, BPD can worsen relationship issues.
While having BPD does not necessarily increase the risk of infidelity, BPD can put a huge strain on relationships for both people involved. If you or your loved one is struggling with symptoms of BPD , contact a mental health provider or therapist.
While anyone with BPD can greatly benefit from treatment, going to therapy as a couple can help you work through relationship issues and understand where your partner is coming from. Through your sessions, you'll both learn essential communication skills that can help you through tough times and strengthen your relationship. I also noted in mine's case that there would be instances where her lack of remorse or empathy for a particular occasion where such emotions are indicated was jaw dropping.
You're right BPD is a fascinating disorder to study. I just cannot take the stress of trying to maintain a relationship with a BPD as they are just too bizarre, impulsive, disloyal, remorseless, and rage prone. I have recently met someone else who I know is attracted to me with whom I am building rapport. I also do not have to walk on eggshells. She and my exBPDgf are incredibly similar in appearance, but this woman is normal.
She had the benefit of having grown up in a stable family, and my exBPDgf did not have that. If this new one goes anywhere for me, I'm sure my exBPDgf will try to take credit for it as such are her ways As avoidatallcost so eloquently stated "Their brains are disordered. Offline Gender: What is your sexual orientation: Straight Posts: Re: Poll: BPD and cheating without remorse.
For example, she will easily find fault on her new lover because he was so effective seducing her! Offline Posts: I also had experience with the cheating. Mine was more one the narcissistic side so she "told me without telling me". At work I received a text that she still had feelings for some girl she fooled around with college previously.
Those feelings were only sexual so it was OK. Told my family about this situation as they rightly told me head for the hills and never look back! This is what I've done and 2 years later it still isn't really easy. Cheating is just part of the disorder, like explained here in some posts. And is there any remorse?
It's again part of the disorder and don't seem to care, but are we able to cheat We can't even look at another girl, even if it's family. And although I'm not proud of it, here's a example of how they think about cheating: Before it got really serious between us, we met often and I had sex with her while she was still with her boyfriend.
It didn't feel right of course and I said to her: "Why are you doing this, this isn't right. You are still in a relationship. How would you find it if he cheats? Her response: "I'm able to cheat and he's not allowed to. Only me! But no worries, I will never cheat on you. You are everything I need and I would be stupid to loose you for that. OP, I'm not sure if they don't have any remorse. They tend to justify it to themselves much like other people do in a way that makes you go 'what'?
I posted it in a different thread, but I'll copypaste it below here with some slight adjustments: I read a lot about BPDers who end up cheating. Funnily enough, me and my ex talked about cheating. She absolutely despised it. When she was in a relationship with her first boyfriend, she ended up cheating on him with a friend of mine. She made him swear to never tell anyone, but he told me the next day and he texted another friend right after the deed that he slept with her.
I was an acquaintance of her at the time, we occasionally talked. To this day, she still doesn't know that I know that she cheated on her first boyfriend. She justified to my friend that her first boyfriend 'pushed her away' and 'was more busy with video games than me'. I still remember her MSN status that she 'hated men'. As I said, I was an acquaintance at the time, and she struck up a conversation with me.
Mind you this is like 4 years ago. She then told me she slept with someone but he had no feelings for her and just went about his way. She never 'got' to my friend the way she did with other people including me. He never fell for her tricks, and he warned me on many occasions not to fall for her.
I didn't listen. I think because my friend was never caught in her web, she has an unhealthy obsession with him; she still carries a picture of the two of them in a photo booth from 4 years ago in her wallet. They never dated either, just slept together once I believe.
And while he is my friend, he isn't good looking at all and he's had a rough life behind him with diseases and frequent hospital visits and everything. I think that's another reason why she liked him as much as she did.
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